Woe, toe, schmoe, low...

I have PMS. No, really. I don't have just any PMS, I have the mother of all PMS.

It hasn't always been that way. I can remember being younger, closer to when I first started (ok, this is not what you thought you'd be reading up on today, right?) to menstruate, and not having these terrible mood swings. It's only been in the past five or so years that they have gotten progressively worse. I absolutely hate it. I can be fine one minute, mad as all hell the next and a little later, I'm crying like no other. Today has been that kind of day.

I started out extremely mad...the kind of mad where you're mad at the world and if someone was standing in front of you, on fire---you wouldn't even piss on them to help put out the flames. Later on that day, I got an email from James and became upset because it reminded me of just that whole situation and how I wish it would go away. I started to dwell on it and wondered to myself why I can't just let it go. Why do I feel like I have to be in the "right" about this, like I have to walk the line and do everything just so, so no one can ever say I didn't try. Then I thought to myself why can't I be the bad person? Whose going to say something about it that I actually give two shits about!?. I mean really, who gives a fuck? I was mad again. I thought, I can just ignore him. I can not respond to this email, I'll delete it (I did) and will not return phone calls. I was ok for a minute, then realized the assualt via email and voicemail that I would get about how much of a bitch I was being, or whatever he can pull out of his ass. Again, I was reminded of how much I just want it to go away..and how much bullshit there is with it..which reminded me of the old job....which reminded me that I know I got let go just because Mark wanted me gone...or at least thats my opinion...and just how much he fucked up my program there for awhile...and of course that led to the three months without a job and all that mess that ensued...... I had to go to the bathroom and cry..yes, that upset.

I was fine--till I started my drive home. I heard a sad song and IT caused me to cry. Later this evening, I was mad again.

Oy, the things we have to deal with hormonal.

So, I suppose the best thing to do is to stay away from people at this point as to not aggravate my "condition" LOL. No people, no music, no movies, just me-the cat-the dog-the bed.

End o' discussion.